


A Time to Mourn

by Benedicthiddleston



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A Different ending, Ahch-To, Angst, Ben Solo Deserved Better, End of life rituals, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghost(s), Grief, Love, Luke's X-Wing, Mild deviation from canon, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Post-TRoS, Redemption, Rey Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:19:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22350196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Benedicthiddleston/pseuds/Benedicthiddleston
Summary: The pain of loss is mind-numbing. After the events on Exogol, Rey retreats to Ahch-To to mourn. Luke offers his guidance. Together, they allow the pain to turn into joy.Mild deviation from actual canon. Ben Solo deserved far better.
Relationships: Han Solo & Ben Solo, Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Rey & Luke Skywalker, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	A Time to Mourn

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Star Wars. If I did, TROS would have ended FAR DIFFERENTLY.
> 
> Spoilers for The Rise of Skywalker.

_His smile._

_The way his eyes lit up._

_Pure joy; the revelation of a lifetime._

_He gave her_ everything.

She gently brushed a stray hair from his face, a tear snaking down a pale cheek. She sat heavily against the stone bed, the sound of a raging storm filling the air around them as she mourned what had taken place the previous day. Rey was alive – but at the cost of his very own breath.

The sacred Jedi texts had murmured that upon death, those who were in-tune with the force disappeared to join up with those gone before. Rey had expected it and would have cherished it knowing he was redeemed.

It never happened.

At the time, with Exogol crumbling beneath her feet, there had been little time to process the _what, who, why, where, how_. Ben stopped breathing, and Rey, shocked and stunned, was brought back to the reality around her. A hasty retreat, his unmoving body held tenderly in her force-grasp, was fraught with anxiety and grief. The entire battle had been hard-won, but at what cost? While the Final Order fell around her, she felt the loss of the only true person to ever understand her creep slowly into a reborn heart.

Rey didn’t know how she did it, but she got both her and Ben’s body into the tiny cockpit of Luke’s X-wing, and as if on autopilot, she flew them back to a place no one else could follow. Her mind had originally supplied Ajan Kloss – appropriate, considering the biggest battle of the war had just been won by the Resistance. The rest of the First Order would fall in time, what was left of their leaders scrambling in a time of tremulous upheaval. But her hands had other plans, one punching in coordinates while the other gripped his hand as if a lifeline to keeping him in the mortal world.

She was not disillusioned. There would be no sudden gasp from the body in her lap. No return of a fluttering heartbeat. Ben Solo was dead. If only she had the promise of his spirit by her side forever.

 _Were we not two sides of the same coin? Joined together in the Force? A Dyad so strong we could give life to even the most ruined of men? Where are you now, why can’t I feel you? What did you do, Ben Solo? What did you_ do?!

The X-wing landed on the precarious hillside of Ahch-To, Rey stumbling out of the cockpit while fighting back the tears as the rain and wind hit her without mercy. She was weak and strung out, but she had just a few more steps to take before she could cry herself to sleep. Her precious lover was soon safe in a nearby hut, the weight of the world slamming into her war-torn body as she collapsed onto the ground by the bed.

_I loved you. I – I do love you. Force, why did you do that? Why?_

Exhaustion pulled her into unconsciousness, her head leaning against his still chest, her arms wrapped tightly around his left arm. It looked undignified – but there was no one around to chastise her. She was alone. And that was the real weight of her reality.

Waking up had been excruciating, pain echoing from every fiber of her being. Muscles strained, bones bruised, and internal organs displaced and replaced by strange uses of the Force. Categorizing her pain, she found nothing was broken, her body just one entire bruise. She snuggled into the heaviness near her, mentally noting she should move into a better position. _Ben…_

Rey’s eyes flew open, fear and pain and disbelief choking her. He was still there – right where she had left him on the bed, her embrace still bundled up in his arm. The pain of his actions pierced her heart, and she felt the tears start to form, slowly trickling down her cheeks.

Ben looked peaceful – even in death. Had she not known what he did for her, she would have assumed he was only sleeping. A shaking hand reached up, brushing a stray hair from his beautiful face.

_I don’t know what to do now. I thought – I thought we would have forever._

Closer than the storm, but only a backdrop to her shimmering grief, a rustle in the curtains, and a faint light piercing the dark. Rey glanced over her shoulder, forehead leaning heavily on the solid presence that was the quiet body of her Ben.

A commanding presence stood before her, and Rey was upon her two unsteady feet in an instant. “Master Skywalker!”

If a Force-ghost could age, Luke Skywalker had done just that. Older than the years he had spent in isolation, older than the time he had force projected to Crait and faced his nephew. There was regret on his face, a permeating sadness that Rey sensed was disenfranchised grief from the years spent battling choices made just before Ben Solo disappeared to the dark side as Kylo Ren.

Luke stepped over to the bed, a hand settled heavily on Rey’s shoulder.

“When I told him I’d see him around, I didn’t expect this.”

Rey wanted to laugh from the idiocy of it all. But she could only sigh, both hands carefully wrapping his larger one in her own.

“I thought – he’s still here. He isn’t one with the Force.”

Luke contemplated her words. _This reminds me of another…_ “Like grandfather, like grandson.”

Echoing laughter filled the room all around them, a voice that Luke was intimately familiar with, while Rey recognized it from her battle against Palpatine.

“You – they – helped me defeat Palpatine.”

A genuine smile. “All the Jedi live within you now, Rey.” He grew more serious, focusing on the face of his nephew. _Oh, Ben._ “As for your concern – I believe I know how to remedy this. But we must wait for the storm outside to dissipate. The caretakers would not take kindly to us destroying one of their huts – again.”

Rey frowned, confusion and misunderstanding written all over her face. “I – I don’t understand.”

Luke gave her another small smile, a hand gently resting on her shoulder. “Let’s get you both cleaned up.”

* * *

The curtain separating the outside of the hut from the cozy inside parted as Rey looked out across the hillside, eyes tracing the path down towards two squabbling Lanai. They were too busy following the directions of Master Skywalker to notice her lingering gaze. Not that they would have cared – they didn’t like her very much. She had said as much multiple times to Luke throughout her time on Ahch-To before facing Kylo Ren – a slowly transforming Ben Solo – in Snoke’s throne room.

That memory passes through her mind as she determines the caretakers are almost done, her hand absently dropping the curtain. The hut is once again shrouded in candlelight and the glowing light of Force-ghost Luke Skywalker.

After scrubbing herself clean of the blood, sweat, and grime that had accumulated while on Exogol, Rey had given special attention to Ben’s body. She would not sleep until he was made new. She scrubbed his hands, his feet, and his face of all the imperfections caused by dirt, blood, and tears. There was no doubt in her mind that he had mourned her before deciding to take matters of life and death into his own hands – quite literally. What must have been flitting across his consciousness as he focused on the force within his soul, gently transferring its essence into her battered and bruised form? Had he known there would be no coming back from this selfless gift of love? Was he even sure it would work, bringing her back from the dead? His other half, his soulmate?

Rey sobbed as she lifted the worn sweater from his cold and unmoving chest. The hole she had intentionally made was still there – a reminder of a time when she had been angry and frustrated with his revelations, with the way he had challenged her in ways she didn’t know she had needed to be challenged. She could have left him to die – it had been a fatal wound. But both had been changed in an instant when Leia gave her all to bring Ben back to the light. While the injury was healed by her own life force, the fabric was not so easily repaired. It was now slightly damp from the rain as she had hurried from the X-wing to the hut, cradling his weight-heavy form.

Casting the beloved item aside to deal with later, Rey gently trailed a finger down the right side of his face, a hand sweeping across his cheek and down over a defined collarbone and perfectly symmetrical chest. The scar she had inflicted was gone – healed completely by her life force. It was a painful thing to remember – she healed him from death, so in turn, he gave himself to bring her back to the land of the living. A complete sacrifice.

_Ben… my sweet Ben._

She had dreamed of more time with him. Not – not _this_. Not washing his body in solemn preparation to burn it, in hopes of releasing his spirit. It was what Luke believed was necessary – the same had been true of his father, Anakin. With a life spent battling the light and the dark, redemption was given by the offended. Anakin, and Luke. Ben and Rey.

She reverently completed her task – trying hard to feel her emotions but also not let them overwhelm her as she washed and cleaned the love of her life. The Lanai had given her new clothing, renewing what had been torn and abused over too many battles. There was a comfort in giving him a new look – washing him in white instead of black. A true transformation from the dark side to the light side, even if but only for brief a time.

Exhaustion had pulled at her consciousness once again as she smoothed the white fabric across his chest, the task finally complete. Knowing what she had to do once the howling storm passed, she curled onto the bed beside him, nestling her head on his shoulder, an arm draped across his waist. If she could not have his embrace in life, but for just that moment in time between her awakening and his falling, she would demand it in death. Tears leaked from her eyes and dripped onto him as she fell into a slumber, her heart aching for him to wake up – for this all to be a horrible, horrible dream.

Now - now the time had come to bring an end to their journey together. At least in the mortal world. They were connected through the Force in life _and_ in death. A Dyad that was not shaken by a dying body. She felt alone at that moment, looking down at his still and peaceful face. But if Luke was right and delivering his mortal body into the atmosphere was the key to releasing Ben’s spirit, then she would never be alone. No one was ever really gone – right? 

A shadowy hand appeared on her shoulder, a curt nod signaling it was time as the Lanai chattered past the curtained door.

Just like he had carried her so long ago – their first meeting, a curiosity that would span the entire galaxy, from Ahch-To to Jakku to Chandrila to Pasaana and Kijimi, a fight for each soul – Rey picked him up in her arms, reminiscent of a bridal carry in stark reverse. His head rested on her shoulder as her feet carried them out into the overcast sunshine, Luke straying behind her, giving her space and time as she slowly walked the path.

Rey didn’t speak, didn’t know the words to say in these final moments. They had not been given the real chance of a goodbye. She had breathed his name, they passionately kissed, and she remembered the light in his eyes when he smiled, truly _smiled_ , for the first time in what was probably forever. And then that moment passed, and she watched him fall – the tether holding him to the mortal world snapping as the very last of his life force seeped into _her_. A brave and ultimate sacrifice.

But the end was unfinished – she was here now, holding him close as she approached a crudely constructed pyre. He needed to become one with the Force. And Rey held trust in her first Master, understanding his wisdom even when they were at odds with each other. She silently centered herself, giving the love of her life one last hug before lightly lying him among the wood.

Her lips met his forehead, pressed firmly amongst the wet tears falling rapidly now. She absently folded his hands together over his stomach, a kiss trailing down his cheek and into now-clean black hair strands. Hands smoothed fabric, lingering on him for a moment longer. She wasn’t ready to do this – but she was _very_ prepared to have him by her side for all eternity. A battle of wills – to let his body die to bring him into her life once more, but also not lose this tactile and tenuous thread of realness she had left of him.

A step back, away from the pyre, a choking sob stuck in her throat. Voices echoing in her mind, encouraging her, loving her, reminding her of her place in the galaxy and the hope and future of the Jedi. But the voices seemed – closer than before. A glance behind her left her blinking in surprise.

Too many Force-ghosts to _count_. All standing in solidarity with her as she pursued a course that broke her heart into a thousand tiny pieces. Leia stood next to her brother, a sad smile on her face. A couple stood just behind Luke, their faces vaguely recognizable from Luke’s rambling journals. _Anakin Skywalker and the woman he loved dearly, Padm_ _é._ Even more faces Rey did not recognize, numbers numerous and vast across the hillside. The strength of their hope and love seeped into her, giving her peace. _I know what I must do_.

A caretaker handed her a flaming torch, and Rey faced the body of the love of her life.

“I love you, Ben Solo. May – may the Force be with you.”

She lowered the torch and watched as the wood took flame, taking with it the mortal body of her soulmate. She stumbled backward, eyes closed in grief, finally succumbing to her knees as the wood crackled and all she could hear was a heart shattering. _I have always loved you. Oh, Force, save him. Just this once._

A moment passed, and then – something rushed through her and the bond they had shared, quiet since his fall, relit with a flourish of joy and love. Brown eyes snapped open, her breath catching at the sight of – of _two_ pairs of feet standing in front of her. Familiar scoundrel boots and long bare feet, perfect in every way. Her head traveled upwards, the faint blue around their forms mesmerizing. For now, stood not just a renewed Ben Solo, but that of his father and her father-figure, Han Solo. _Oh, oh my love._

Clothed in white Jedi robes, Ben Solo didn’t even blink an eye at his form, his gaze only on her. He smiled a slow upturn of lips and extended a hand to _her_. The one he loved enough to die for. “Rey,” he breathed, finding his voice amongst the _new_ that was him, one with the Force fully now.

She had always meant to take _his_ hand – Ben’s hand. And now – the past behind them fully – she could take it without regrets. Eagerly, she accepted, her hand fitting perfectly inside his own, and she rushed from the ground into his embrace. Even as a Force-ghost, he was real and whole and so very much alive. It was better than anything she could have hoped for. _Force, thank you!_

Beside them, Han chuckled, his gaze flitting between his son and the woman of his life, the mother of their child, Leia. She was all grace, wrapping him up in a hug-turned-tender-kiss, laughter, and cheers echoing around the small group from the Force-ghosts witnessing the happiest of reunions.

Rey may have been the only living human, but she cared nothing for that small detail, her hope and love all for the man in her arms.

“Don’t ever leave me again, Ben Solo. Please, don’t ever leave.”

Ben softly kissed her forehead, his arms wrapped tightly around her middle. “Never.”

**Author's Note:**

> My feels for this film are ever turning after seeing it three times. I'm just really in love with Ben Solo and Rey, okay?! This was a catharsis to write because I felt like something was missing, and Rey needed to grieve. I wanted her to properly grieve in a healthy way. And since I just recently got certified in hospice and palliative nursing, my mind went straight to - this. I wanted it to be beautiful and mournful and maybe help me release some of my own grief surrounding Ben's death. Because I'll be honest, I did not want it to end that way, even though I sincerely love The Rise of Skywalker and everything Adam Driver has done for the character and the sequel trilogy. 
> 
> But let's be honest. Ben Solo DESERVED BETTER.
> 
> As it is, I'll write another fix-it fic about Ben living and dealing with the repercussions of everything Kylo Ren did... eventually. My brain had to get this out first.
> 
> Any comments, kudos, shares, bookmarks, hits, yells, screams, and whatever other emotional reaction you have is never expected but truly honored and appreciated! I'm just a silly fangirl on the side of pursing a crazy career in oncology nursing. Thanks for letting me dip my toes for the first time into Star Wars fanfic!


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